You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
