5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
