I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
is it fun? or sober?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
