dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
