Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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