My nipple is on Facebook.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
