The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
