He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
