I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my poor anus
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
