HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
