Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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