I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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