just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
worst night to have a conscience
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
