yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
