I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
