I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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