3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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