In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
