fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?