Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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