if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
