if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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