i think my mom watched the whole time
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
