the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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