i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
