I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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