her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
