I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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