no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
