oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
