Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
