I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bring me that man meat
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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