college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
