DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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