i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize