If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
