forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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