I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
