i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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