she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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