You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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