birth control should be required to get into college
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
