She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
