Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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