He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
