so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
