I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
