whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
