If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
