2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
