i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
