Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
