I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
