You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
