I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
