She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
