textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize