when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
