Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
