The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
