I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
