I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
