I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
