i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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