She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
