ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Don't make out with my wife yet
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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