Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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