Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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