Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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