Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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