very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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