i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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