Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
