If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
