i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
