I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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