yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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