Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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