dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
