I can text with my tongue
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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