so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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