I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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