So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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