Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
