i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I will pee on everything he values.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
