The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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