I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
