I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
