that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
